1. |
Intro
00:11
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2. |
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Superman is a false idol
An opium for the masses
A white guy with an eighth Navajo blood
Lawful good
But abandons his culture for a new fad
This symbol means hope
Go fuck yourself
Save someone
Anyone
Flood your neighbour's kitchen
Why do I support the iconoclastic cunt Lex Luthor, who knows more about Krypton than you
Why does Batman have a gun
Go fuck yourself
Go fuck yourself
Zack Snyder has never written a good film without concrete source material
Go fuck yourself
Go fuck yourslef
There's a city in the centre of London ruled by an oligarchy that controls the financial district
Go fuck yourself
Go fuck yourslef
Wonder Woman was cool
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3. |
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Holy shit they learned how to make a film
Hey DC, conflict makes sense when you build it up over numerous films
And everyone's here
Iron Man
And Ant Man
And Cap Man
And Purple Man
And Bird Man
And Spider Man
And Other Bird Man
And Cat Man
And War Man
Woman
Where my girls at?
There’s redhead, brunette and blonde
But what about
Pepperman
Portman
Sifman
Norah
Dormer
Coleman
Betty
HIMYM
Gamora
(Fuck)
Nebula?
Peggy!
But she’s dead
Fuck Marvel
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4. |
V for Vendetta
00:17
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If you want V for Vendetta
Read the graphic novel
If you want Wachowski siblings
Watch the fucking Matrix
If you want to buy a Guy Fawkes mask licensed by Warner Brothers and pretend you're against consumerism
Congratulations you're very smart
And if you like Roger Allam
I mean that makes sense
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5. |
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It's a cynical shot-for-shot remake of A New Hope, but it turns out I don't care.
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6. |
God's Not Dead
00:17
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The christian propaganda
In God's Not Dead
Converted me
To satanism
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7. |
The Wizard of Oz
00:42
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Watch The Wizard of Oz
Through nostalgia tinted glasses
Pay no attention to the black coffee and eighty cigarettes in the daily diet of sixteen year old Judy Garland
Pay no attention to the aluminium dust in the Tin Man's make up hospitalising Buddy Ebsen
Pay no attention to the asbestos in the fake snow
Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain
Keep consuming
The greatest family film of all time
Remember the golden age of cinema
Those were the days
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8. |
Pride & Prejudice
00:41
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As the fog rolls over
The dramatic mores of Hertfordshire
Lizzie, bonnet-less
Watches as Darcy heathcliffs towards her
"I can't afford to be romantic"
Bullshit, Charlotte
You'll say I do to anyone
Especially Lizzie
It falls into the clichés
Being parodied two hundred years ago
Oh, I'm sorry
I thought I was watching
Pride and Prejudice
Not Wuther-fuck-ing Heights
[So don't judge me, Lizzie - don't you dare judge me]
(I still love it tho.)
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9. |
Victor Frankenstein
00:45
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Victor Frankenstein is written by
Hipster and consistently disappointing Max Landis
About J Mac grooming Dan Rad as his new gay lover
Evidence:
Saves him
Kills a man for him
Dresses him
Feeds him and homes him
Heals his psychological wounds
Heals his physical maladies
Forbids him to see women
Urges him to create an 8 foot, 4 lunged, 2 hearted baby with him
Like, he literally wants to create a baby with him
Like, together
Like, he wants to have cute undead babies with Dan Rad
Either I've completely misunderstood the homosexual agenda
Or James McAvoy has chemistry with literally everyone
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10. |
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The christian propaganda
In God's Not Dead
Converted me
To satanism
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11. |
Zootopia
01:01
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Zootopia has many beasts
The largest of which is the many headed hydra of oppression
You will know the beast every day of your life
In the dirt
In the street
In your office
(I don't want to fuck a rabbit)
You will feel small and scared but you can tame the beast
Use it
Control it
Turn it on others
(I don't want to fuck a rabbit)
When you serve and protect, who is your master?
Is it your city?
Your boss?
Yourself?
(I don't want to fuck a rabbit)
Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?
Hands up, don't shoot
Stay woke
The revolution will not be televised
I dont want to fuck a rabbit
I dont want to fuck a rabbit
I dont want to fuck a rabbit
I want to fuck the fox
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12. |
Three to Tango
01:08
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When we look back at artifacts of time past, we do not look at the spectacular to tell of life before, but of the everyday, the median, and mundane
By this logic three to tango is the single greatest film of the twentieth century
Let me summarise the plot
Boss meets girl, boy meets boss, boy meets girl, they fall in love, girl thinks boy is gay
The thing plays out with a tedious inevitability
A budget of 20 million
Took half that at the box office
It has an occulus rift
The swing revival was happening
We were untouchable
Invincible
We built great big things
Hot chicks could make 3 noises at once
[3 noises at once]
Holy fuck
And it's fucking funny
Got Matthew Perry
Mistakably campy
They thought
We gon make dat Friends money
But ultimately despite its thin veneer of relaxed and honest acceptence
There's an awful lot of no fucking homo
We are fine with the homosexual as long as it is confined, repressed, and as long as you conform
And where
the fuck
are the lesbians?
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13. |
Bastille Day
00:46
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Idris Elba est un policier imprévisible sur les bords
Qui auditionne pour James Bond
Et pour d'autres américains blancs
Et pour une française aux yeux de biche
C'est l'histoire d'un soufflé qui rencontre Die Hard
Comme les thèmes du fascisme et corruption
Supplément explosions
J'ai adoré, et toi aussi
Nique la police!
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14. |
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Let me tell you about Stranger Things, motherfuckers
We start topside, the beginning
Matched machinations of the DM pulling in both directions
Joyce Byers, who slowly disintegrates
While one son dies and leaves the other to drown
Madder than Midas, poor choice in men
Here's one now!
Mixed up and washed out, looks worse cleaned up
Lost a girl, we found a girl!
Bobby deserved better!
But watch these kids, man
They know what's good
Fucking 12 speed bikes bombing around
They're gonna find their friend
Without the grown ups
With their best friend in a wind breaker
Bloodied sleeve, and a stolen dress
Assuming, that is, that Mike and Lucas
Don't fucking kill each other over her
It's fine though
Dustbin's on the case
Oh and fuck Steve, man
Just fuck that guy
I know he had the thing at the end
But holy fuck
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15. |
Feel Bad #0
00:44
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16. |
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Watermelon Death Cult
The two giant women were fighting
They were beating each other up
Then Jasper fell into the middle of the Earth
Now they've gotta drill to save the world
Oh shit!
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17. |
Feel Bad #2 - Gem Drill
00:42
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Time runs out
We drill
We can only drill
And wait for the consequences
But oh no I guess
Cause Steven can hug anything
In the universe
And make it good
Make it good
And the green Dorito is happy
And I love her
(It's a really good episode.)
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18. |
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The world is large, and
always changing, never still.
Fight no more; rest.
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19. |
Feel Bad #4 - Barn Mates
01:05
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You're cute to think
That this life shattering
Spirit breaking event
Is something that can be disappeared
With a pool
A floatie
A card
But that's not how it works
That's not how it stands
You hurt me
I am hurt
I am quiet and broken
And it is you who did this to me
(Despite this rhetoric I still notice that Lapis looks like Lois from Family Guy.)
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20. |
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Oh yeah
It's all over
We drilled a hole
We killed a gem
We've finished this goddamn arc
And now we just wanna watch
Ruby and Sapphire
Play a podful of gems
At motherfucking baseball
Ah it's all over
Ah this is so dumb
I love it
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21. |
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variation is as beautiful as originality and between
king carpenter and the silence of the hills we
enter our upside down where the end ends the
board joyce byers is our emotionally
intelligent heroine when it
comes to this other
world smarter than
brenner more determined than
the boy wonder brigade doesn't hop look
about 'nam age nam age nam age to you number
one benny with a bullet connie the gorgon the
spores the necrotic flesh the acids the tumours we
are being digested we are being appraised we
are being watched like russkie commies in a
black room by a scared
little a-bomb with
adorable eyes don't
hide too long has no one ever
said when you stare sometimes the
abyss comes home with you
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22. |
Lady Satsuki - Sonnet
01:25
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Hark and halt as light rains from above
Silence for the Click of mighty sacred heel
A pinnacle declaration to those undeserving of
Mere Pigs who need to be taught to kneel
May the alabaster skin be forever uncaring
And thy deep brow cement thy iron resolve
May the blue eyes match the sword flaring
And this petty god’s fabric around you, revolve
But thou art not just foul power criminal
Thou art Machiavelli’s chosen daughter
Thy plans and manipulations a villanelle
Leading thy butcher mother to the slaughter
Our lady of contradiction mighty roars
Ask not the sparrow how the eagle soars!
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